The Decision to Divorce: Changes in the Narrative about the Marriage

This paper examines the changes that take place in narrative about the marital
relationship when, during the course of marital therapy, a couple comes to the
decision to divorce. These changes fall into four general themes. The first three
themes: long-held resentments, divergence from the ideal, and positives into
negatives, emerge early in the therapy and form the basis of the fourth theme,
disillusionment, which signals the end of the relationship. As disillusionment
emerges in the narrative, the partners’ abilities to acknowledge positive aspects
of each other, and of the relationship as a whole, diminishes. Positive
memories cannot be recalled, and the entire existence of the relationship is
questioned. This narrative shift appears to signal the beginning of the
emotional withdrawal necessary for physical separation to take place.